100 Days With No Goals

This is the time of the year when we sit down with our pad of paper and pen and create our “New Year’s” resolutions. Our plan for self-improvement for the next year. We create specific goals and timelines to measure our progress.

And, it is the time when we take some time to look back and see what we have accomplished; the progress we have made on our goals and intentions. We congratulate ourselves for meeting our targets and perhaps chastise ourselves for where we feel we fell short.

You know the drill. How many times have you gone through this process? Does it work for you? A recent article said that after the first week 75% of the people who made resolutions practiced them and after six months more than half the people did not remember their resolutions.

Why do we create resolutions/goals? What are we wanting to achieve. I think we set targets/goals to help us move forward in our lives, to make our lives better in some way, whether it is financially, physically, socially or spiritually. We set goals because we want something different than what we have, something better.

Generally with goals we set a “deadline” or a “drop dead date” to encourage performance. What would it look like if we created a “Life Line” to support ourselves instead? What if there were a totally different way of bringing positive change into our lives? An easier way than measuring, counting, performing. A more relaxed and less stressful approach.

Joshua Fields Milburn of  The Minimalists, has found something that works for him and describes it in his blog entitled “100 Days with No Goals” posted at http://zenhabits.net/100-days/.

I found his article fascinating. Joshua learned some very interesting things about himself and the benefit for him of living in the present and responding to what was inviting him at the moment. Joshua shares that he now lives from choices rather than goals and that freedom has created a life for him where he is less stressed, more productive and happier and more content.

I encourage you to explore living without goals for a week and see what happens. I’d love to hear your experiences. Please share them in response to this article on my blog.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Be Careful What You Say To Your Plants

We’ve all heard stories about how it makes a difference to “talk nice” to our plants. I have some orchid plants that are erratic bloomers and on the occasions I have reminded them that if they don’t bloom soon they will be replaced; they always bloom! I’m a believer.

I’m even more of a believer after reading the following article in the October issue of Science of Mind. I’m curious to hear your thoughts/experiences. This is amazing information. Gives one pause when thinking about how to define intelligence and consciousness and just what that means.   What an exciting time to be alive.

Plants Communication

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | 2 Comments

WHO ARE YOU GOING TO BE THIS HALLOWEEN?

Halloween is a holiday for all ages. My grandchildren are all excited about who they are going to be this year. Perhaps you are going to a costume party and playing with different personas yourself.

Who are you going to be this Halloween? What it would be like if you put aside the masks you wear daily for your protection and allowed your true face to be seen? Your most authentic expression of your own unique, marvelous essence? How would it feel to drop the super responsible and possibly resentful mask? Or maybe the I’m here for everyone except myself mask? Or life is hard and the only way to be successful is to stay on task, keep my nose to the grindstone, be serious mask? What mask are you ready to remove? What mask are you really tired of wearing? Take it off. If taking it off is too big of a step, how about changing how you express that mask in the world as a start? If it is your super responsible, resentful mask, are you willing to release the resentful part and accept your responsibility as your own choice, an expression of your personal values?

Our true face doesn’t need to be hidden, protected or even require sunscreen. Our true face is vibrant, joyful, loving, nurturing to self and others, accepting, wise, playful and at peace. Our true face is relaxed and confident and is ageless; no lines or wrinkles, only warmth and invitation. What would it take for you to share your beautiful true face with us? What one step are you willing to take to remove the masks and share yourself with us? I encourage you to step forward in your timeless exquisite essence–now that would really be a fantastic Halloween mask. See you at the ball.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Can’t Buy/Earn Love

I had the interesting experience a short time ago of being at a concert featuring Kris Kristofferson and Merle Haggard.   I’ve been a Kristofferson fan since the movie “A Star is Born” way back in 1976 and still held that picture of him.  I was not familiar with Haggard’s music.

Kris opened the concert alone on stage with a voice that had lost it’s tenor and vibrancy that we frequently couldn’t hear.  He looked very thin, frail and was a shadow of his former self; no energy or vitality.  AND what amazed me was the warm welcome of the crowd and the continuing screams and yells of delight as he sang.   During the song “Help Me Make It Through The Night” he quipped, “help me make it through tonight” to the delight of the audience.

The audience didn’t care that Kris had lost his voice or his passion or his vitality, they still loved him, just as he was at that moment.  He didn’t have to earn their appreciation or applause.  He sang several songs that evening interspersed with Haggard and his group’s performance and Kristofferson was hands down the favorite.

I left that evening thinking that I’d just seen a public and vocal demonstration of love for a long time friend and revered performer just because he was who he was.  Not because he “earned” the unstoppable applause and adoration from his performance that evening.  He’d already paid his dues.  They loved him for “Being” who he was; it had nothing to do with what he was doing.   It has given me pause to remember that we don’t have to earn love, buy love, perform for love.  It’s ours for simply being who we truly are.  Way to go Kris!!!

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

What’s It All About, Alfie?

May Sarton, one of my favorite authors, when asked at seventy why it is good to be old said, “Because, I am more myself than I have ever been.” As I am rapidly approaching the beginning of my eighth decade of life, her words are both a challenge and a comfort to me.

A challenge because I’m still learning who I truly am. I have played many roles in my life: daughter, wife, mother, friend, manager, CPA, coach, partner, teacher… And those are all roles, they are not who I AM at my essence. Were I to strip away the roles, who would I be? What’s it all about Alfie?

A comfort because I feel a sense of permission in her words to let go of the doing and focus on the Being. An invitation to drop the roles and gently ease into living authentically without apology or guilt.

What have I learned these past seventy years?

~~Life is not about things; it’s about love. It’s about connection and relationship. No amount of things can compare to the joy that I feel when my grandchildren run into my house squealing, “Nona,Nona” and jump into my arms. That is JOY.

~~ We all need our tribe. Our tribe is where we are accepted and loved and supported. Where we are seen and heard as who we are. It may not be our birth family and it is vital to our growth and happiness.

~~Every time I judge you I judge me. Life is a mirror and what upsets and irritates me about you is something I cannot accept or acknowledge in myself. I don’t like this one very much.

~~Forgiveness is the peacemaker. Every grudge I hold, whether against someone else or myself weighs me down. Forgiveness is the answer. We all do the best we can each moment.

~~It’s not my job. Each of us is whole, complete and resourceful and when I see you, or me as less than that, I limit our potential and keep us small. I’m here to support you not make you small.

~~Honesty is the best policy. Being honest with ourselves and others is a challenging commitment. As my friend and teacher Eric says, “It hurts not to tell the truth.” Sometimes it is very hard for me to be honest with myself, and when I am not it not only hurts my heart it shows up in my body as discomfort and heaviness. I think it is harder to be honest with ourselves sometimes than with others.

~~My deepest yearning is to reconnect with Spirit. To be at one with my source, to come home. This does not necessarily mean dying and leaving the planet; it can mean living from that place of oneness here. Underneath everything else, in our heart of hearts, we all want this.

And

~~Life is too short to wear tight shoes.

What have you learned? Whether you are twenty-seven or seventy, you have wisdom to share. Who are you when you are being yourself? Do you know who you are? What you want? Don’t wait to be seventy to find out.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Be A “Heart” Listener

The other day I had pleasure of spending some time with a woman whose business card reads “Horse Listener.”  She’s a very adept people listener as well.  I left the meeting thinking that I want to be a “Heart Listener.”

What I know to be true is that our deepest well of knowing is accessed through our heart.  That is the place of inner wisdom and alignment with our values and purpose.  It is in that place that we come home to who we truly are and reconnect with our Source.

What I also know is that most of the time I do not “live” in that place of knowingness and centeredness.  In my daily life I get caught up in the drama and urgency of the moment and forget to go to that quiet space I can trust for guidance.

I had a big lesson in not listening recently.   I had been in the market for a new car and ended up buying a used, new for me, vehicle.  It had been several years since I bought a car and did do some research beforehand.  When I got to the dealership I test drove the car I had been looking at then was invited to drive a trade-in car that fit my list of must haves.  I had not looked at comps on that brand car so was not knowledgeable about pricing and value.

I really liked the used vehicle and entered the negotiation process for it.  During the back and forth of making the deal there were a two or three times when my heart said to slow down, stop, and get more information.  I wasn’t feeling confident that I was seeing everything.  I didn’t listen to that heart message, ignored the call to stop and step back and look more carefully.   I realized later that  there would have been more negotiating room and perhaps some other options I was not aware of had I listened to my heart and said “Stop,” I need more information, time, ….  I may well have made the same choice after taking some time out and I’ll never know that.

Our heart gives us continual information and guidance if we only listen.   Sometimes it takes courage to stop in the middle of a conversation or negotiation and take a moment to connect with that voice of wisdom.   Sometimes it shows up as a gut feeling or a thought that dashes through our consciousness.  It can be a chill down your spine or some other physical sensation or mental “knowingness.”  We each have our own signal and it comes from that heart centered place of truth.  It gets easier with practice and we sleep better at night knowing we paid attention to our deepest knowing.

Next time I’ll pay attention to those tugs and small voices.  Remember the old, old radio show “The Shadow Knows?”   I’m tuning in to station K103:”The Heart Knows.”

I’d love to hear your experiences if you would like to share.

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Releasing One Shelf at a Time

I tend to be a “keeper”, someone who keeps things even though I haven’t worn, used or even looked at those things for a long, long, long time. I have closets and cupboards filled with clothes and dishes and candles and cute little things that have not seen the light of day for many a month/year, and I am still wary of getting rid of them. Maybe next year I will be able to wear those way cool pants; maybe I’ll have friends for dinner and use those beautiful serving dishes; maybe I’ll redecorate and put out those unique and beautiful candles and pieces of art. Right!! In the meantime I am feeling squashed, closed in, weary of the clutter and lack of space and a bit depressed.

So, this morning during my journaling the question that popped up was: “If you can’t let go of the sheets, towels, dishes, etc. that no longer serve you, how can you let go of other things that have served their purpose in your life. Things such as relationships, beliefs, fears?” Now that caught my attention. I know that some of my heaviness and flatness is because I am wading through old beliefs about who I am and how I “should” be. I am in a place of questioning what is truly important to me and how do I stay in the place of putting my energy and attention on what helps me move forward and grow and be Joyful Service. Is it time to appreciate, acknowledge and release people, patterns, behaviors and beliefs that have contributed to my growth and move to the next step?

How to discern what is growth affirming and supporting versus either status quo or diminishing? If I’m honest with myself, what I know is that what excites me, challenges me, pushes/pulls me forward is growth affirming for me and what either feels flat to me or tiring or diminishing keeps me smaller than who I truly am. The BIG question is how to first honestly recognize the diminishing triggers and then have the confidence and courage to say “Thank you for what you have contributed to my life. I appreciate and respect and honor you and it is time for me to release you so you and I can both move forward.” I’m still working on that part.

In the meantime, what I realize is that if I am unable to clean my closets of the tangible items that no longer are part of my life, I’ll not be able to release the people and intangibles. As the inner so the outer. For the moment, I’m going to tackle one shelf of my linen closet at a time and ask of each item: “Do I love it? Does it make me feel good? Do I use it?” and if not, put it in the Goodwill pile. One shelf at a time.

I’m curious to know how you deal with releasing things, people, relationships to that you can move forward on Your Journey. Care to share?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Love Yourself ~ First

My recent week at a “Life Mastery” retreat facilitated by Alan Cohen in Maui has left me with many insights, awarenesses, questions and much spiritual food.  The most profound learning for me was to “Love myself  ~  first.”  This is a huge challenge for a “pleaser”.  Almost like speaking a foreign language.  What does “love myself first” look like, sound like, feel like?    For some reason I connected loving myself with what “comforts” me so the specifics are listed as comforts in various categories of my life.

**Creature (physical) comforts:  good coffee in the morning, healthy and delicious food, a nurturing, warm and beautiful home, financial abundance and prosperity, extraordinary physical health and vitality

**Emotional comforts:  caring and connected family, loving and supportive relationships, satisfying work, community connection, self-respect and authenticity, speaking up, asking for what I want

**Spiritual comforts:  inner peace, connection to Spirit, trusting myself and Spirit, REmembering who I AM, enjoying nature, being at the ocean, connecting with my Tribe, continued deepening and learning…

The common thread is connection.  Each comfort represents for me deeper connection with myself, my body, my community and loved ones or Spirit.  The “things” are supportive of my physical, emotional or spiritual health.   Creating/providing them for myself is how I express loving myself first.   Sort of a 360 degree pampering.  Each of the items “feeds” me in its own way and expands or nurtures me.

What does loving yourself first look like to you?  How would you describe it?

 

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Out of the Mouth of Babes

Out of the Mouth of BabesEvery New Year’s Day our family has a tradition of getting together and creating vision boards filled with images and words of what we want to create in the next year.  It is always a fun and soul filling day.  This year my granddaughter, Taryn, who is 7 chose a BIG poster board to build her vision.   While we adults were busy searching for pictures and words to express things and qualities that we want more of in our life, Miss Taryn used her board to express her present state of happiness and joy.  No need for her to be looking for her bucket to be filled in the future; it is already filled and overflowing.  We could all learn from her.

Wishing you a joy and love and happiness.  Dream big, your auesome.  Happy New Year.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

My new site!

Put up a new website today to keep in touch better.  Soon I’ll be adding articles and resources and other goodies.

Let me know what you think!

Posted in Updates | 2 Comments